Many places and situations can trigger a nostalgia for bygone days. It’s been six years now since I finished my theological studies, six years since I flew down to Halifax for my graduation exercises. I remember I arrived on Wednesday evening and Thursday I found myself walking around, camera in hand, capturing all the familiar sights from summers gone by. I walked to the park right by the school. I went down to water’s edge, at the tip of Halifax harbour, just as I had my very first week four years previous. I gathered seashore rocks, worn and smoothed by the passage of time. I greeted the dog walkers one last time. I wandered the empty halls of the school- capturing pictures of walls of photos and office doors of favourite teachers, smelling the musty carpet smell of the 3rd floor residence. I realized I would probably never be back in this building – certainly would never be there in this capacity, as a newly graduated student. Gathering souvenirs, taking pictures: when we know that a chapter in our lives is coming to an end, we search for ways to hold on. We search for a way to process this change. Yet as I roamed the 3rd floor student residence, I remember there was something strangely unsatisfying about taking pictures of empty halls and silent rooms.
This got me thinking: I wonder if the disciples tried to gather souvenirs after Jesus had left them? Did they gather rocks at the shores of the Sea of Galilee? Did they go sit on the Mount where Jesus preached that famous sermon? Certainly we know that they went back to the place they shared their last supper together. Yet they couldn’t stay in that room for ever. How were they to make sense of this chapter in their lives that had come to such a violent end? Jesus was no longer with them. What could they hold on to as way of remembering him? What souvenir could they find?
It has been my experience that no matter how fine the quality of our souvenirs, our most important memories cannot be found in special locations, in favourite rocks or in modern day digital picture files. For our most important memories- the ones that teach us about life- are intimately bound up in the relationships we have known. This is the teaching Jesus brings us. Photographs are souvenirs that either yellow and curl up over time or get forgotten in our thousands of digital pictures. Either their quality degrades or our attention is drawn so far off in another direction that we never do sit down and make collections of them. On the other hand, relationships we had yesterday, with those we no longer see today, can continue to inform and enrich our living.
For the first time, in today’s passage Jesus speaks to the disciples about the Advocate, the Holy Spirit who aids us in this process. “The Holy Spirit will teach you everything and remind you of all that I have said.” Jesus teaches us that we too can become aware of God speaking to us. We do not have to be the Messiah. We do not have to be particularly gifted. We do not have to be psychic. The disciples were very ordinary folks. Yet the Holy Spirit helped them to remember all that Jesus had taught them –and to share those teachings with us. It is interesting to note that a little later on in the gospel of John, Jesus even says that the Holy Spirit won’t come until he, himself is gone. There was something important that would happen only after Jesus had died.
Isn’t it true that for as long as we have the physical presence of a loved one, we never fully appreciate all their fine qualities? I reflected on that as I thought of all the people I have known, who have died. I thought of the gentle ways of some, the sense of humour of others, the courage, the determination and the generosity of still others. It seems as if these beautiful characteristics stand out in high relief once we no longer have the physical presence of someone we have loved. Sometimes when this happens, I feel a sense of guilt- “if only I had been more appreciative at the time, made more effort to call, not been so impatient with annoying habits.” When a loved one dies, we may regret not having had a perfect relationship.
Surely the disciples must have regretted many things. We can imagine they felt guilty about having abandoned Jesus- fallen asleep when he asked them to pray for him, denied even knowing him when he was taken before the law. Yet Jesus looks at this differently. He never did expect them to be perfect disciples. In this passage, he is trying to prepare the disciples for his coming death. It is not a question of lamenting what was done wrong or is no more. It is a matter of looking for His presence in a new way. He has not done with them. His death will close one chapter in his relationship with them and open another. He assures them that his departure is a necessary part of the process of becoming better disciples. Departures are like that – they teach us things we would never learn if we did not experience the pain of loss.
There is a certain complacency that sets in when things are going well. We come to expect certain things. We may take for granted our possessions, our health, our friendships and our loved ones. For as long as Jesus lived, the disciples could depend on him to guide their actions. They didn’t have to think for themselves. With his death, they were on their own. They were disoriented and discouraged. Yet some started to remember his words. They remembered how he said the Holy Spirit would come to guide them. His life and his teachings began to take on even greater meaning for their own lives. Jesus had not done with them yet. The disciples saw that they too could become teachers even as they continued to follow Christ.
When we experience loss- it upsets our whole world. We become disoriented and discouraged. It is then that Jesus asks us to be aware of the Holy Spirit- in fact to expect that this Advocate will bring us counsel and support. There is new teachings to be had in the midst of loss. Jesus tells us that when we love him, that is to say: when we hold close to our hearts all of his ways and words, when we follow his teachings- when we reserve time, as he did, to speak with our heavenly Creator, then he will take up his home in our hearts and we will feel his love for us. This is Christ’s promise to us. He is not done with us!
Therefor I say to you : Do not let your hearts be troubled. Leave off trying to capture memories in rocks and pictures and special places. Leave off clinging to nostalgic thoughts of days gone by. Look for signs of God’s active presence. Consider - the unbelievable preciousness of a small baby in our midst. And the gorgeous natural beauty that surrounds us in this corner of the world. Consider -the crisis in the environment that we are currently experiencing and the widening gap between rich and poor in the world. The Holy Spirit is all around us – -amazing us with the wonders of creation - keeping our hearts open to the plight of others, - informing us about the right next thing we each should be doing, As you leave this place today may the Holy Spirit teach you and remind you of Gods great love for you and all with whom you share this life. Amen.